We live in interesting times. And as a matter of interest, there’s no substance to the claim that the curse is an ancient Chinese proverb. Instead it appears it was invented, or is attributed, to either a British or an American politician. Take your pick. For my part, given the times in question, I’d go for the Yank every time.
Admittedly, Communist China made the first and perhaps the most telling contribution by suddenly having the sheer cheek to take top Capitalist spot in the world’s economic pecking order – thus throwing America into a paddy. It looked like their Destiny was not so Manifest and God had abandoned the country he’d previously favoured above all.
Meanwhile, Vlad the Invader added his own little spice to the increasingly interesting pot by staking his own claim to an independent country that had made the mistake of asserting said independence. In doing so, he was also cocking a snook at American military supremacy.
So it was obviously time for a no-nonsense US President, who would squash the upstarts (China) and bring peace to the world (Ukraine).
To date, he hasn’t managed either.
I haven’t got anything against tariffs, as such. They’re an effective way for a developing nation to protect its industrial growth. But there’s something distinctly off about a highly developed country employing them as a way of slowing its decline. This is especially the case when over the last century that country has used every means available (including force of arms) to ensure that global markets remain open to its own exports.
So all he’s managed to achieve here is a degree of sympathy for and solidarity with a totalitarian regime and a chorus of approval for Chinese refusal to bow to blackmail.
As for the Ukraine, it looks like Trump’s shot at the Nobel Peace Prize might have run onto the rocks. My guess is that he’s watched The Sopranos too many times (the only trait he shares with my wife) and mistaken the series for a Ted Talk on diplomacy. The upshot is that he’s managed to insult both the warring parties and alienated his remaining allies.
And where does Sweden fit into this scheme of things?
Well, prompted by the Russian invasion of the Ukraine, our right-wing government decided to join NATO on 7th March last year. Not that wings have much to do with it. What these days passes for the main left-wing party was also pretty gung-ho about membership too. This despite the fact that it was already apparent that Trump had a more than even chance of being re-elected and had already been making unfriendly noises in the direction of the other NATO partners.
You win some and you lose some, I guess. But most of all, as a politician you must never lose face, even if there’s egg all over it. So no swift volte-faces there then.
As far as I’m concerned, I thought the decision to join NATO was a shame. I’m old enough to consider a tradition a Good Thing. And a policy of neutrality that had lasted for two hundred years surely can be classed a tradition, when nowadays high-streets shops can employ heritage marketing that’s based on the life-span of an amoeba.
Ironically enough, that policy – more strictly known as Non-Alignment – came about as the result of serial losses in wars to Russia, which had most recently gobbled up Finland, which hitherto was successfully claimed by Sweden. (No-one asked the Finns what they thought of any of this, of course.)
In the process this put an end to what is called here the Stormaktstid (Great Power Time) for my adopted country. This as I hope you realise had reached its height in the 17th century during the 100-years War and began its decline in the 18th century under the mystifyingly revered Charles XII, who, shall we say, overstretched himself a tad.
The policy’s had its critics over the years, most notably when Sweden allowed Nazi Germany access to its iron mines during the Second World War. But as a way of gracefully bowing out of the game of global power politics, a non-alignment policy is surely unparallelled. It also, latterly at least, allowed Sweden to speak impartially on world affairs and protest loudly against injustices perpetrated by the most powerful nations.
So I was not amongst the most enthusiastic supporters of the country joining an organisation with a dubious past on both counts, and one that appears to have inbuilt obsolescence.
But what the heck. We’re in now for the duration, so ‘gilla läget’ as they say here. Grin and bear it and shaddappa your face. I guess, like Groucho Marx, I’d distrust any club that’d have me as a member anyway.
So why don’t I shaddappa my face then?
Well, as part of its rearmament programme, the Swedish quango MSB has sent out a brochure to every household in the country. The abbreviation stands for Myndigheten för Samhällsskydd och Beredskap. Literally this means the Authority for Social Protection and Readiness. No doubt, the Authority in question realised how Orwellian this sounded in English, so chose the official translation of The Civil Contingencies Agency. Which begs the question of what might constitute an Uncivil Contingency. Food and/ or energy shortages caused by Trumpian mafia tactics, perhaps? Invasion by Russia perhaps? Or the USA, for that matter (see under ‘Greenland’)? Cyber-attack by the Burkina Faso?
They clearly had these eventualities in mind, although none of the above countries are named in the brochure. But since we all might be the victims of any or all in these interesting times and since the brochure contains much advice as to how we might best survive, I thought I’d share some of it with you. I hope you find the advice useful.
The brochure starts by outlining some of the dangers out there and then goes on to point to the general public’s part in the responsibility for ‘our’ response. The ‘our’ is underlined by the reassurance that ‘if Sweden is attacked we will never give up’. (Note the subliminal glide between ‘Sweden’ and ‘we’. I mean, I’ve been here long enough to consider myself a part of the whole. But you have to ask whether it will be ‘us’, that is, the man in the street that will have got ‘us’ into this mess. Luckily the ‘us’ concerned in ‘total defence’ stops at the age of seventy, so I’m soon out of it anyway.)
Then it moves on to how to ensure our own safety – a matter much closer to my heart. This takes the form of a checklist.
The water supply might be an issue. If you’ve been reading these blogs systematically, you will realise that, in our case, it already is. Here’s the solution: Store water.
Tick it off.
We already do this, since we never know when our supply will go off. Or rather when the electricity which powers our supply will be cut. (See blog ‘Living off the map’ Part 3).
As a further step it recommends we freeze water in bottles, since these can be used as ice-packs if the electricity to the freezer goes. We already keep our proper ice-packs in the freezer, since we have nowhere else to put them. Whatever the case, this is again pretty smart advice. And it’s also encouraging to know that any emergency, invasion or otherwise, that disrupts the energy supply will be over before the ice melts.
As for heating, we are urged to have warm clothing available.
Tick.
Again a piece of cake. This is Sweden, after all. Who doesn’t have a set of winter clothes? The same goes, at least in the countryside, for alternative heat and light sources.
Obviously, we will need to be able to stay in communication with the authorities. So we should have a radio (‘please teacher, what is a radio?’) and batteries at home, along with a mobile phone charger that can work off the car. I like the phone charger bit. I would never have thought about that. (Mental note. Buy a mobile phone.)
So tick, tick and prospective tick.
We’ll also have to eat to keep our spirits up. So we need to have plenty of non-perishable food at home, just in case the shops are bombed – or their card-readers break down.
Tick, tick and tick again, I say.
We’ve got enough beans, lentil and tinned toms to last through World War III. Given the limits of space, we’ve had to throw out a few non-essentials like my rare book collection. But anything to help the war effort. (For that reason we’ve kept all the pots and pans we hardly ever use. These may come in handy for the building of future warships etc.)
Now we get on to the mucky stuff – sewage. Number One, apparently presents no problem even in the case of your toilet no longer being capable of carrying effluent away. Number 2 is a weightier issue (pun). The recommendation is to line the loo with a plastic sack, or use a bucket. (I thought we had banned plastic bags.)
We are asked to note that Number Ones and Twos should strictly be kept separate, something that I’ve never managed in my overlong life. But if needs must. Apparently our local authority will inform us what to do with the bagged bog waste. Assuming we have batteries for the radio, I guess.
Thus, tick.
A good supply of meds is also a must. (A month’s back-up is recommended – again the Swedish spirit of optimism gleams through the murk.) I suppose if your local chemist raises an eyebrow and then raises the alarm, you will have to shoot them and make a run for it. Still, no probs. My wife usually has a year’s supply at home anyway.
So check³.
There follows a list of useful things to have at home. Like matches. Excellent. People keep giving us vast numbers of the things. I don’t know why. We hardly ever use them.
Tick, in spades.
The next suggestion is one of my favourites. Having pointed out that we may have to be evacuated, the authorities recommend we take a compass and map with us. Which does raise the question of where would they think of evacuating us to? And would we have to find our own way on foot?
More comfortably, in the case of conventional or unconventional attack, we will be advised to take refuge in one of the many shelters round the country. You are urged to take with you your own food and toilet paper. If you have a guide dog, this will be allowed in the shelter (to guide you to the loo?), but you should then also bring a pooper-scooper and bags. (See humans above, under ‘Sewage’.)
I guess this also gets a tick, though I’m not sure how much loo paper and food I can carry as far as a shelter, since there are (see blog ‘Safety First’) none in our immediate area. Perhaps this is the real reason I need a map and compass.
The MSB (isn’t the Russian Secret Service called that?) underline the fact that a shelter is absolutely necessary in case of nuclear attack. This before they point out that if you don’t have one handy, take refuge in a ditch. Tick. (We are surrounded by ditches.)
Again, envisioning a short war, they point out that ‘after a few days the fallout will have fallen considerably.’ I can only assume that the atomic half-life has suddenly shrunk to pocket-size. As if that wasn’t worrying enough, they then go on to tell us to beware of disinformation put out by hostiles, noting that a nuclear attack warning could be a false alarm. Which rather undermines the previous few bits of advice. ‘Be alert!’ they say. ‘Benefit of the doubt!’ I say.
But most bizarre of all, and infinitely touching in its own odd way, is the suggestion that one should leave enough food for the cat before fleeing to the nearest nuclear bunker. To which I can only respond, we have no cat. And why should the cat care, if it’s going to be incinerated after what would be, I suppose, (9 x 2 =) 18 half-lives?
But tick and bless, anyway.
The whole catalogue of disaster ends with a section called ‘If you’re Worried’. Anxious not to provoke anxiety amongst the more Sensitive Swedish Souls, they recommend that said SSS should limit the flow of negative news.
Like, presumably, warnings of imminent nuclear attack. And reading this interesting pamphlet, I guess.
Tickety-boo.
Letters from Sweden 